Shepard's Hope
by Noobobliterator
Summary: What if Horizon was different? This is mostly about shenko, starts from ME2 and Shepard's death, changes some of the things said effecting their relationship. Eventually I might add in some smut. Lots of Angst and fluff. Just read it! Please favourite and follow.
1. Chapter 1: a goodbye

_Hello everyone this is my first fan fiction, I do hope you enjoy my story, but it is mostly for my benefit. Without further ado:_

_Disclaimer: I do not own mass effect, unfortunately my wishes do not come true._

_Kaidan POV_

Another explosion racked the ship. We were under attack from an unknown enemy for an unknown reason, while on full stealth. No ship _should_ be able to detect us. I ran trying to find Shepard in all the madness. Turning a corner I glimpsed a N7 breather helmet covering Shepard's beautiful red hair. I grabbed a fire extinguisher and looked over to Shepard. "Will the Alliance make it in time" I asked. Shepard answered with "They will be here the alliance won't abandon us." I knew she had her own doubts and so her words did nothing to allay my fears. "Joker is not leaving… and neither am I!" I told Shepard. "Your job is elsewhere kaidan, go get the crew to the escape pods." She responded. "NO SHEPARD, I won't abandon you!" I spoke with a utter stubbornness, she couldn't tell me to go away just when she needed me. She looked at me "Thats an order Alenko" I held her gaze for a long moment, then looked away in defeat. Turning my gaze back, I uttered "I love you Shepard" Then I left her there alone. I did what I promised never to do. I abandoned her…

_Shepard POV_

I am glad I have the helmet on, so that Kaidan couldn't see my tears. "I love you Shepard." he said, turned and walked away. It took all of my willpower not to run back to him begging for him to stay with me. Steeling myself, I turned and headed up towards the front of the ship. Jogging to Joker I ordered him "Joker we have got to go" "No i can still save her" he replied holding fast to his hope. "The ship is already too far gone, going down _with_ it won't change that." I said trying in vain to keep my voice steady. In truth i was livid, a mass of emotions came with Joker's stupidity and I couldn't get them outta my head. For a long silent moment he didn't respond making me think he hadn't heard me. "yeah, yeah okay...Help me up... The ship is coming around for another attack!" he warned me. I picked him up and lowered him into the escape pod. A beam exploded next to me and I was sent smashing into the back wall. sensing I was about to be spaced I hit the control panel managing to send Joker away. He was safe. I felt my air get thinner and I knew I had a puncture. My last thoughts before I died, were of Kaidan...


	2. Chapter 2: Shepard

**Disclaimer: I do not own mass effect or any of the characters, Bio were does... unfortunately.**

Kaidan's POV

I remembered the day I heard, I didn't know she had died back then, but I felt a cold feeling as if something terrible had happened, as if the universe was in mourning for something… Someone... We had landed in the pod and we were waiting for the alliance to get us, but I had felt alone in the escape pod, ignoring the crew around me.

We got picked up in an alliance vessel and the first thing I asked about, _the first thing I thought _about was Shepard. I hoped she was okay, but I knew deep down within me, she wasn't...I asked one of the crew if they had picked her up, but the man didn't know. I then asked about Joker, after getting a confused look I told him it was our nickname for Jeff Moreau. He told me that he was down in the cargo room with the rest of the crew.

Finding Jeff I saw he was distraught and also I saw a bit of fear, but still the first question I asked were of the whereabouts of Shepard. He looked at me for a long second with grief, pity and remorse covering his face. He said to me gently "Kaidan, she didn't make it" for a second I didn't understand what he had said, then it hit me... "NO!" I shouted in disbelief… The first stage of grief... "LIER" I accused my eyes aflame. "KAIDAN, I saw it myself" he looked away. "no" I said more gently anguish ripping through me. It was his fault. IT WAS HIS FAULT!After that everything went red and the next thing I knew, everybody was looking at me with incredulity, Jeff was on the floor blood rushing from his nose... Anger, the second stage... Then I knew I had punched him. I said "It is all your fault. she tried to save you!" Then I broke down in front of everybody. I felt hand pull at me and I could barely hear Joker say sorry… Sadness, third stage...

_Hey everyone I hope you... enjoyed?_

_I updated it... again, for like, the billionth time!_


	3. Chapter 3: resurrection

_Disclaimer: I do not own mass effect_

_Shepard POV_

I opened my eyes slowly, where am I? Where is Kaidan? I heard voices that seemed far away. "she's waking up, it's too quick, sedate her" an unknown woman's voice resonated through my head, defiantly a woman's. My thoughts raced through my head becoming more and more erratic. Who is it? Why am I here? How am I alive? Last time I remember I had been spaced. Only questions. No answers. "I have! Her brain activity is off the charts" a man's voice this time. What are they talking about? "Do it again" the woman's laced with worry. My thoughts started becoming slower and I started to fall back asleep. A beautiful woman's head appeared in my view and I was instantly jealous. Then she smiled at me and all the jealousy was erased. Turning away she mumbled something and the next thing I knew was...

"Shepard, I know your scars aren't fully healed, but this facility is under attack. Grab the gun some thermal clips and get moving." I couldn't process what she was saying as I kept thinking of Kaidan. Pushing him from my mind I did as the voice ordered. After shooting through some mechs I met up with Jacob. Biotically dealing with the mechs I asked him about all this and he explained about my resurrection by an unsaid organization. He spoke as if all of this was natural, as if skipping two years is normal. It hit me hard. Kaidan thought I was dead for two years. Hell I was dead for two years. We got a call from Wilson but I wasn't really listening. All I heard was blah blah blah in my surprise, no, shock is the word, surprise sounds like a gift. It was not a gift! After meeting up with a heavily injured Wilson I gave him some medi-gel. And we cleared the mechs. From listening on their conversation I got that Wilson shouldn't be up here and whatever happened to the mechs was irreversible. Something was up... Someone was being fishy. I am not just about to shoot Wilson on a whim. So I'll just keep an eye on him. We almost got to the landing bay when Jacob said "The organization that resurrected you was Cerberus." "What!" I yelled "Cerberus resurrected you so that in turn you will investigate some stuff for the illusive man" he replied. "human colonies have been disappearing in a almost random order and the alliance won't do anything to stop it." "well if I am going to work with Cerberus I am going to work with Cerberus, not for them. I am going to use their resources and I will leave when the mission is complete." I stated firmly. "I understand Shepard." he simply said. During all this Wilson stayed quiet, which I was very thankful for.

Turning I entered the shuttle bay and the woman who I saw, entered and shot Wilson. "That was uncalled for!" I stated. "if you mean setting up all the mechs, killing nearly all the thousand crew this station had, trying to kill me and you was uncalled for, then yes I totally agree" she retorted "I am Miranda and I will answer all of your questions." "Where is Kaidan Alenko" I said my lust to see Kaidan showing. "I don't know but the illusive man probably does, any other questions?" "no. let's get out of here, I have seen enough of this station to last a life time" I said. "or two in your case" I cracked a smile...


	4. Chapter 4: a mission

**Hey guys. There will still be some anguish but this is pretty much the last. I hope you enjoy...**

_She was sent flying into space, her face contorted in pain. She opened her mouth "KAIDAN!" she screamed my name._

I sat up, panting, "Shepard...". The feeling of cold sweat, covering me sent a shiver down my spine. How could I feel such pure fear from just a dream... A nightmare? I stood up as soon as my heartbeat slowed down. I stumbled into the shower and I turned it as cold as I can. After I sustained 10 minutes of this, I got out, got dressed and I fell on the bed. The monitor beeped as I got a message. Getting up I walked over to the monitor. Sitting down I looked at the message "Kaidan, we have got a lead on the colonies disappearances. We got an anonymous tip, horizon is the place to be attacked next. But we cannot send a massive crew. The alliance won't allow it. Not on a tip. You are being sent, it is probably nothing, but we must be sure. Take a small crew.

Admiral Anderson"

I picked up my few belongings and headed out the door...

**I know it is really short but I will make another one soon, I'm not dead… maybe... I'm sorry for not making any for a while, I have been so busy. Any comments/reviews are welcome (even if they are hateful) and I hope you favorite/follow. Do you know what is even better than winning the world cup? Seeing my chapter in your email. (complete bull) After that shameless self-promotion, I hope you enjoy and I hope you get the reference(if you get it, you get free cookies... OK nope still bull;)**


	5. Chapter 5: The Illusive man

**Sorry for taking so long i have been working too much! For my art project I am writing a bleach story but it has little to do with bleach so I probably won't post it. I am taking some time off the love and hitting you with some boring conversations, I know you're happy. I know the Alenko and Shepard story lines don't quite make sense so keep your time and don't bombard my about the chronological order my story is supposed to take, and I hope you enjoy :D**

Looking around, the Illusive man is nowhere to be seen. Miranda told me that I will see him now. Lights come up from the metal plate I am standing on. Stepping back I realise what he is doing. Spends billions of credits and 2 years and doesn't meet me himself, the best commander in the galaxy and he can't be bothered… the nerve. The memories of what he did to my squad rattling around inside my head… His ugly, alien enhanced face meets my eyes. "Commander Shepard" a puff of his cigarette. "Illusive man. I thought we were meeting face to face" in that one sentence I manage to convey all of my hate. "A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know." He's Ignoring the tone of my voice and acts as if we were best friends. "you might be the reason I am still alive but that doesn't mean I trust you" I say acidly. "you need to put your personal feeling aside. Humanity is up against the greatest treat of our brief existence" "The Reapers" I cut across him. "Good to see your memories are still intact, how are you feeling?" "You need to earn the right to ask those kind of questions…" my memories of Kaidan interrupting my thought chain. He noticed my look and paused before talking again as if he was holding up the facade of being polite "Cerberus isn't as evil as you believe. You and I are on the same side; we just have different methods" I say "cut to the chase. What are the reapers doing to make you bring me back?" "Where at war… no one wants to admit it but humanity is under attack." The Illusive man states slowly, and ominously. "While you have been sleeping, entire colonies have been disappearing. Human colonies. We believe someone's working for the reapers just like as Saren and the Geth aided Sovereign. You have seen it yourself. You have bested all of them. That is just one reason we choose you." _Sleeping? _"If what you say is true… if the Reapers are behind this… I'd consider helping you out." I give in. if the alliance aren't doing something when something needs done then I will have to turn to… alternatives. I am not forgetting what Cerberus has done I am just momentarily ignoring it. "I'd be disappointed if you had accepted any of this without seeing for yourself. I have a shuttle ready to take you to freedom's progress, the latest colony to be abducted. Miranda and Jacob will brief you." he dismissed.

**The Illusive man really pisses me off.**


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